Friday, April 27, 2007

infertility, birth control, miscarriage

I have been reading around the jblogshepere (at shpitzle and mizellie). These topics seem to inevitably come up amongst women's conversations. Most women have either have dealt personally, or have friends who have dealt with one or more of these issues.

What do these three things have in common? It seems quite a few things.
1- All relate to with the mitzva of 'pru u'rvu' which , in some circles, means that they have some amount of peer pressure and/or publicity involved.
2- All three are directly related to a women's physical and mental state and (even if the man is that is the cause of the infertility) the women suffers more than man, either agonizing over the issue, or emotionally dealing with the loss or status quo.
3 - All three subjects are taboo is most circles. No one talks about it - no one admits to it - unless it is obvious, and necessary to discuss it.
4- The thing that seems to most tie these issues together is the fact that NO ONE ever says the right thing to the person who is directly dealing with the issue.

Comments I have heard directly or indirectly:

"At least you have a husband."

"If you lost it, than that means that it probably would have been deformed or something, baruch Hashem you were saved from that."

"I can totally understand that you would need a break- I mean those kids you have are a real handful- I can't imagine having to deal with them every day like you do."

"Motherhood is not for everyone"

"You have so much time for chesed, without distractions"

"If I was able to afford household help like that, I would never have such a big space between my kids"

"Did you ask a shaila? - Aren't you embarrassed?"

"I don't know what you did to deserve this."

I could go on..the point is even with the right intentions, sometimes things are better left unsaid - you have no idea how the other person will interpret what you are saying - especially if you are not close.

That brings us to number

5 - Usually it is none of your business!

Monday, April 16, 2007

cleaning post pesach

A new persepctive -

Those kitchen counters had to be cleared and the sinks empty, in order to change from chametz to pesach and back again - why not try to keep it that way? After finally finishing a week's worth of laundry - I never want to see a dirty laundry pile up again...

For some people this may be the norm - but for me this is a whole new experience..

So my day now consists of:

1-wake up
2-wake kids/get dressed/check dirty laundry
3- feed the baby
4-make breakfast/feed animals
5- wash dishes
6- dress the little ones
7-wipe down counter/table
8- put in a wash
9-get everyone off to school
10 - check laundry
11- sweep kitchen
12 - go to work

13- come home
14- make lunch
15- wash dishes
16- clean up mess from ketchup/sugar/pancake syrup
17- check washing machines
18- sweep from lunch
19- make sure counters are clear
20- play with the kids
21- clean up from/with the kids
22- make lunch again for the stragglers repeat steps 15-19
23- give the kids laundry to put away
24 - start dinner
25 - make sure kids are not being destructive - take away scissors/glue/permanent markers/soup nuts/sugar
26- feed the baby
27- go into the kitchen and check what the big kids did while taking a snack instead of eating the late lunch
28- clean kitchen from their mess
29-check laundry- add little ones undwear/tights/shoes from accident..
30 feed animals
31 try to bathe the little ones
32 serve dinner
33 clear the table
34 everyone to bed
35 dishes
36 kitchen counters..
37 sweep again

Hopefully I stay awake until somewhere around number 31 when I start falling asleep..and then again after 34 when my husband says he is going out to learn..otherwise they just get added to the top of the list...

We will see how long this lasts...Note - no blogging on the list :)

Flylady would be proud - maybe- But I am just exhausted..happy - but exhausted!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Getting back to chametz

Pesach was fun, and tiring. Aside from the little incident involving a 3 year old and soup nuts on the last night, things were pretty uneventful. Cooking, eating, visiting with family and friends, trips, more cooking and more eating etc.. Probably the same as pretty much the rest of the world.

I finally stopped nursing completely and my baby is eating a lot. He seems to have had some trouble adjusting to his new diet, as he developed an ear infection and some sort of digestive issue. I think he may have even lost wight from not being able to keep anything down - but Baruch Hashem he seems to be over whatever it was. I feel SOOO guilty that I stopped nursing him. I nurse all my kids as long as possible because they all start out with food issues. My doctor had told me that I could contine, it was all my well meaning relatives and friends that said I was asking too much of my body, and I do think that stopping did help with the whole spotting issue. I still feel bad.

My kids are all acting out of sorts in one way or another - one friend said that they may not know why - but they know that mommy is not herself and they react to that..another thing to feel bad about?- dont know - I am the one suffering the consequences... a bunch of moody/kvetchy/chutzpadik kids. I must admit - they are still pretty cute when they sleep.

In the meantime I am like in early nesting mode - can't think of any other way to describe it - unless it is just post pesach cleaning neurosis... I feel like I have to reorganize my whole house - declutter - file papers - redo closets and cabinets....The problem is I get as far as 1 load of laundry or 1 sink of dishes and I need a nap. I then wake up in the morning even more frustrated. I know I need to calm down and put things in perspective.

I recently read an article on about a woman who discovers she has breast cancer and creates the motto - "Everything I have, I need" - meaning that Hashem provides us with what we need - exactly what we need - we are not lacking - and things that we have that we may think we don't need are given to us for a reason... trying to think about that concept more often and just take one day at a time.